Written March, 2022 ©2022, Mel Kennedy, D.Min. Reproduction of this writing in parts or entirety without written permission is prohibited. All Rights Reserved.
As I approached the 11-year anniversary of my mom’s passing, I felt an air of melancholy beginning to surround me and penetrate my spirit. Unfortunately, one of the cure’s I decided to partake of was a lot of Ghirardelli Chocolate.
All of this got me pondering on how long is too long to mourn? Can we get stuck in our grief?
Society can seem to set some fictional timetable for how we should journey through the ups and downs of losing a loved one. We get identified as being in a particular “stage” of grief. People around us, although maybe well-meaning, offer platitudes that often wound our already hurting hearts.
So, how do we make sure we don’t take a season of grief and turn it into a lifetime of sorrow?
Jesus wept. -John 11:35
This scripture verse is short yet poignant. Grief is okay. I’ll say it again – it is okay to grieve! Jesus’ tears as he encountered the heart-breaking sadness of Martha, Mary, and the community, shows us that feeling loss and expressing it is part of our life’s journey. Bereaving a deep connection and relationship with a family member or friend who has passed on is an important part of the process. Some try to tuck these feelings away and move on without confronting the myriad of emotions. They may want to avoid the rollercoaster ride of pain instead of embracing the gift, albeit usually unwanted, of grief. This can feel overwhelming to handle on our own.
But we are not alone. The Lord is with us and wants to take on our pain. In Matthew, we hear that those who mourn (not avoid it) will be comforted. (Matthew 5:4). Even if we feel anger or mistrust in God, we are reminded that no matter what hurts or pains we face in life, the Lord is right here with us meeting us in our valley of darkness. The Almighty is embracing us on a journey of tears to healing, transformation, and hope.
There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens…
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. – Ecclesiastes 3
The reality for me is that I most likely will still wake-up every morning with some mourning. I will always miss my mom’s physical presence from my life. That mourning is a tribute to the depth of my love for her. That mourning will not prevent me from living the life God has created for me. It actually motivates to do all I can to love, serve, and forgive those I encounter. It moves me to give thanks and praise to our Loving Creator for the gift of her life and the gift of my own life. Knowing that I will see my mom again in another realm allows me to arise each day with good mourning and live each day seeking to fulfill my purpose. That belief helped me move beyond the season of grief into a lifetime of good mourning. Yes, we will all still have times of weeping and mourning in the seasons of life. But our Lord also reminds us to move beyond those seasons. God calls us to embrace the possibilities and joy in our lives, and to make room for an appointed time to laugh and dance!
With this blog, I would like to share with you the lyric video for the song “Mother, I Miss You” that I recorded after my mom’s passing. The beautiful and heart-felt words by John Tesh speak to not only those who have lost their mom, but to all who believe in the promise of uniting with all our loved ones. “I know I’ll see you again.”
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